She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck appropriateness.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
