wanna go halves on a baby?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
