I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
