The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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