so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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