Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
