u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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