that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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