ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I said "one day" and that day is not today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
