this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear god my vagina.
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