Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
