How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
