And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
