4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
