just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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