so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
