I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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