everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
