We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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