eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
