Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
