i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
