At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
