just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
