Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
