You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
