Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
