all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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