So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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