i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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