A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
