can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
