Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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