we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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