like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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