You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
