I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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