can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
