you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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