It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
