My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
