just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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