my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
