I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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