it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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