batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Bring me that man meat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
