She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
