i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
