He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
