is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
