tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
