Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
