oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
