I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
